Depressed or?

Here I am again folks,

Thanks for tuning in at the Lonely Wallflower Blog 🙂

As I mentioned in my first blog post, I have been depressed several times before and if someone would ask me, I think I am depressed once again. The joy of life that some people talk about, I think mine is lost somewhere halfway 2009. Yes, I can have fun when I am surrounded by friends and my mind’s preoccupied with them. But after they leave, when I am alone again, I easily slide back to my dark thoughts.

I am not talking (writing) about just a couple of bad days. Also not about some simple setbacks.

As written in my first blog post, it took me 12 years to get out of “the closet”. I have known since I was 14 so when you do the math… I was 26 when I told loved ones and dear friends and my parents. It was a scary thing, I was shaking like a leaf. But when I think about it, I should have told my best friend ages ago. I hate to lie and not telling the whole truth about me, my sexual preferences, somehow felt like telling lies. Most people accepted me being bi-sexual, some asked questions because they were curious… And some looked at me like I had caught a bad decease. But I do know who my dear friends are now, for sure.

As I also mentioned, I have been in need of physical care ever since the age of 16. Most of the time I can get along on my own quite A-OK. But when the going got tough…I needed help again. It left me scarred, both inside and out. My record is having had 5 surgeries within 16 months! I really had enough! And I hate the scars, the ones visible for others, and the ones it all gave me on the inside.

Darn! I was/am typing this post on my cellphone/mda and it informed me I have only 3 minutes of “energy” left. So I will quickly post it and get back on this topic asap!

TTFN! Take care of yourself and your loved ones 🙂

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~ by Lonely Wallflower on February 27, 2010.

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