One way or another

It’s Thursday…
I wanted to write in my old journal so badly, and knowing the new one is in it’s way I felt “safe” to do so. But when I finally started writing, I got an urge to write a blog post first. Silly me, can’t make up what I want to do. So I will spill out my fresh thoughts here first. Seeing I haven’t written in my journal since the end of February, so there is a whole lot to mention in there. But as I stated here before, I didn’t want to start writing before I was sure I would have a new journal soon. I had plenty of pages, but still, I felt (and feel) like when I start writing in it, when my thoughts are allowed to run free I could have run out of paper before I had run out of thoughts. Not that it would happen, but something inside me kept telling me that.

And I know that I have pages enough left to start rambling away. I know the new journal may arrive here today or tomorrow. But still, the digital blogging, typing, attracted me more at this moment than grabbing my Parker Donkey fountain pen and writing…

I can be quite silly like that. Wanting to do something quite badly for a while and when the time is finally right… I rather do something else first. I will write in my journal soon, that is something I do not doubt. But still…

I am still not sure where I will go with this blog. I love the idea that I can write anonymously about anything that comes to mind. And at times, those thoughts can be happy and at other times not. That is who I am. Mood swings are daily life for me. I could almost say that I am accustomed to it. But in a way, you never really get used to the mood swings because they can really f*ck up your day (if it was a good one so far).

I have been a bit more active on the TTL Depression Forum (check the link at the links section on the right sidebar). Still haven’t posted my own story, since I wouldn’t know where to start… I am still trying to get my thoughts in order so that I know what I would like to share and in which way. So I am still using my journal and blog to get it all out. At times, you may find me rambling here, just out of the blue, just to get it off my chest… Or off my mind.

I am glad that this blog still gets new hits every day. I am eagerly awaiting a comment… I know I may never get one, my normal personal blog hardly gets any comments and people who know me know that blog site… But still, I have learned that positive thinking may result to positive results. So I have to be patient. I also know that some people might just be curious, some click, check and run away as fast as they can. And yes, some of you out there may even like the way I write, the topics I write about and may check it more often… (I’d wish…). I haven’t seen anyone subscribing yet… Ah well, maybe I have too high expectations. Of myself, of my writing, of my topics… Maybe I want things too fast. I am not sure. I am fighting my current depression and I am fighting hard. And well, maybe I just put too much hope into this blog. Or I want results too fast.

I will just keep using this blog the way I intended and like I want. It is my blog so…

I want to thank you for your interest. Thank you for your “care”. I will leave you once again with a “wisdom quote of the day”. See you later folks!

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every
experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

Eleanor Roosevelt


~ by Lonely Wallflower on March 4, 2010.

2 Responses to “One way or another”

  1. Here is a nice little comment for you.
    You may consider me a subscriber, a subscriber that is still very far from present day (sorry), but working on catching up.

  2. Thanks 🙂
    I truly appreciate that!

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