Keeping busy

Today was a busy day. After some lazy days, days where I barely had the energy to get up, days where I had to struggle to get not only myself out of bed but our GF as well… But I had the feeling I needed to accomplish something, do something that would not only be positive for me but for others, my loved ones, as well. And that it would immediately show results. Not later on, not after a short while but right away. While doing it you could and can see the stuff you did and wear a smile because it is something positive… Something positive to fill my day, or even a small part of it….
So this morning, around 10:30, I woke up. BF was already up and I heard him getting ready to walk the dog. I read my email and checked the latest news (all through my cell phone). Our GF was still sleeping. But after a while I decided it was time for her to wake up. I know we went to bed around 2 a.m. but still getting up around 11 is a good time then. I also know that people with depressions and burn-outs tend to want to stay in bed all day. Believe me, it is really hard at times to get up and get myself up to doing stuff. I know I want to and I know it will feel good when I have finished what I wanted to do in the end. But it is still hard to get myself to that accomplishment. So I had decided last night, that our GF and I would start to clean up a room.
Not my own attic room, not her room but our BF’s room. He has the front room on the first floor. It’s also the place where we have 3 fitness equipments and some small cabinets with our summer/winter jackets and all. He already said often that he wanted to clean the room and make a small office in there as well, for his own small company. But each and every time, our GF and I started to clean it, he just dumped stuff there and made a mess again. And now our GF and I want to be able to use the fitness items, and we want to help him achieve his goal of making a small study there… He is often (most of the time) busy with building up his company. And I didn’t want to work on my room and even though our GF wanted to work on hers, she did see what I meant with “meaning something for someone else AND seeing a direct result”.
So we started working on it and we worked there for a few hours. We did take a break for lunch and some grocery shopping and then we dived back in. It’s not done yet, but after a while, we had enough for one day. BF was happy and impressed. There are a few things he has to do himself. And if all goes well, we will be able to set up a big cabinet there where he can easily stuff all his work-related documents and all. We now tried to store them in a smaller cabinet, but it isn’t really build up for all the stuff that is in it now. But we need him to lend a hand in order to be able to build up that bigger, bolder cabinet. We made a good start, we made a terrific start, and it felt good. I can now look back, look into that room and feel good. I know that I had one of the best helpers in the world, and she needs to know she did awesome as well. Maybe it’s only cleaning up, but it feels good.
We can see the fitness equipment now, we can almost use it too. Almost enough space… Almost tidy enough… Almost ready for me, for us, to work out a bit at home, in private, where I am not embarrassed by the extra weight I have gained lately. It’s not that I am huge or anything. I am overweight, I weigh about 12 kilo’s too heavy (that’s about 26 LBS). And I know I don’t look really fat or anything. But I am just really ashamed of my body. Ashamed of the scars that I wear (even though they are not visible at the gym), ashamed of the big @$$ and belly I carry around with me…
So if I would be able to start working on my body here in private, here at home, while I still have time enough (not having a full-time job, not a job at all at the moment)…
Now I will need to finish the room, with the help of my loved ones and then I need someone to really push me into keeping up with my own promises: to really work out for at least 30 minutes each day…

Ah well, first we need to finish the room… Until then, I will work a bit with my weights and elastic bands to keep at least my arms in shape, or trying to get in shape to say the least…

I will leave you with a wisdom quote of appreciation here. TTFN and remember that I will be back!

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing;
it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”

Voltaire

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~ by Lonely Wallflower on March 22, 2010.

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