Am I really weird thinking?

Playful BrutusOw my… Just did a 20 minute workout (I know it’s not long, but it was intense) to relieve myself of some stress. I guess this needs some explanation. So where to start? Today went very well, nice weather, walking with Chance near the water so Chance could swim, reading a book while sitting in the garden and enjoying the sun. And of course enjoying the nice cleanup the garden experienced yesterday 🙂

But, back to business. You remember me posting about the brutal attack on my parent’s dog? “Why why why?” and “So tired” are posts where I wrote about it. But well, after we got the bill of the vet and we knew Brutus was going to be OK, we went to the police. We only wanted it to be on record and we left a copy of the vet’s bill, so they could see all the damage was done. We didn’t want to press charges. But if something like this would occur again, the owner (we will call him R. for now) would not be able to raise his shoulders and make a comment like: “He never did anything like this before.” Because I do see him as someone able to do so. GF and I also wrote a note to go with a copy of the bill for R. We didn’t want to visit him, I still feel nauseous when I see him… The way he behaved just after the attack made me sick!

At the end of this post, I have several questions about behavior in this situation. I am wondering if my reasoning is really so “out of this world” as R. said it was… PLEASE comment on this post and answer the questions. No worries, you may do so anonymous…. THANKS!

*WARNING* if you continue to read on, you will see a picture of Brutus’ neck and drain…

OK, flashback! I am not sure what I did and didn’t mention earlier and I will just write all that comes to mind now. So well, Brutus and the dog who attacked him, we call him dog R., are both males. Brutus has always seen Chance as his girl. But dog R. thinks he has that “claim” as well. Our BF did mention that Brutus and dog R. have had some “issues” before but never too serious. Two men fighting over a girl (although it would never be an honest fight…). So GF, our neighbor C. and I are walking across the street from R. and R.’s house and they come out. We had both Brutus and Chance with us. Knowing that dog R. has issues with Brutus, R. still crosses the street and comes at us. Without a warning, while Brutus was even wagging his tail instead of barking (Brutus is small and loves to bark) dog R. attacks. R. stands there, says and does nothing. And then when dog R. finally let Brutus loose, he just looks at Brutus, makes a stupid remark to C. and goes on walking his dog. Not a word like: I will take the dog home and we’ll rush to a vet; or I will walk the dog quick and rush over to your place because I am worried. Only a remark to C. about dog R. having the chance to defend himself when needed… *sigh*
YES he came by our house afterward, like 1,5 hours later! And he tried to put the blame all to Brutus and he said he was sorry and well, he thinks that solves the case.
He came by our house again, I wasn’t home then, and he talked for a while with our BF. I tried to avoid him for a while. The way he had behaved, the way he simply walked away, almost rewarding the dog for attacking by having a nice walk afterwards…

Brutus' drainThis is Brutus’ neck and drain. When I first saw this drain and the vet’s assistant was explaining how to use this drain to clean the wound, I almost fainted. I felt so guilty and I felt like all the blood he had lost was leaving my body as well. I have had many nightmares, now still at times, in which I see how he was flung around. I remember when they shaved him and I saw his artery just a centimeter from the biggest wound, pumping the blood through his body. I was so happy that dog R. missed that artery, I wouldn’t want to think about having to tell my parents that their dog was killed for, what appeared to me at that moment, nothing. When R. came to us the evening that it had happened, I tried to explain to him that I thought the actions he took at the time being were not what I had hoped him to do, what I had expected from another dog over in such a situation, what I had had done if the roles were turned around. If something had happened right in front of my door, I would have dragged my dog back home, got my car and rush towards the nearest vet… Or I would have said that I needed to let my dog do his thing but I would rush over as soon as possible and give out my cellphone number just in case. I would not walk away saying NOTHING and wait for 1,5 hours only to point the blame at the other dog and say sorry like I don’t mean it…

Ah well, why I feel so mad and angry about it again is, that when BF and I were walking with Chance this evening, we run into R. and dog R. He wanted to talk to me. Got mad that I had called the police on him. I tried to explain that I thought it was a moral thing to do. And that I had asked around to other people, to see/hear what they would do if they were in my shoes. R. then told me that I needed to do what my gut told me, not what others told me to do. I said that I did it on my own but I just wanted to know if I wasn’t over reacting due to my emotions getting the best of me. But then he said that he had told people and all said he reacted normally… Why can’t I ask people about my feelings and all and why can he do it then himself? Shouldn’t he trust his own gut feeling? He accused me of blabbing it throughout the neighborhood. I told about 3 people, because we met them while walking with Brutus they saw his bandage around his neck and asked what had happened. This is what I told R. as well, seeing it’s no one’s business but ours and I don’t babble behind people’s backs! Then he got angry that we put the letter in his mailbox instead of ringing his doorbell. I said I wasn’t up to it and when we went by his house, he wasn’t home. Then he told me he almost didn’t want to alarm his insurance because of the way I had behaved. I told him that it was his own choice. I guess he doesn’t know that through my insurance, I could still get a hold of his and settle it… I didn’t make him a wiser man, it’s not possible… He said I had a weird vision on the world and how things are supposed to go… So that made me really wonder if I am SO wrong about things… Ah well, I hope it’s all settled soon. He made a comment about seeing “Martin Gaus” (he’s a well known dog trainer here in the Netherlands) to be able to read his dog’s mind. I said it could be wise just to Google around, see if other people had the same experience in a way and how they handled it. He didn’t reply. It was a unnecessary and mean attack his dog did to Brutus and just saying you’re sorry… Ah well… I will sum up some things and that are bothering me now. I will add R.’s reasoning and mine to them. And then I am asking you, the reader, to react to how you feel, how you would react and if I am really THAT wrong in my vision… THANKS!!!

1. When you have a big dog and (s)he attacks a little one and you see the little one bleeding, what would you do?

  • R.: don’t punish the dog, don’t say anything to the owner of the other dog, just walk away and think about coming by the other dog owner later that same day…
  • Me: punish my dog, then depending on where I am: bring the dog home and reassure the other owner I will come by later and hand over my cellphone number just in case; when I am close to home: drag home the dog, bring my car and rush over immediately to the nearest vet
  • You: …….

2. Your dog was attacked and was lucky enough not to have his/her artery torn but still got a major shock and was really hurt. You talk with the attacker’s owner and (s)he only says he/she is sorry about it. Then you ask what (s)he would have done if the dog would have hit the artery and would have killed your dog… What would you have done if the case were reversed?

  • R.: he normally never does anything like that… (and that’s all said)
  • Me: if my dog killed another one there are two options: let my dog wear a muzzle when we’re going out OR take my dog to the vet and let him/her sleep in. I would never want someone else to experience what has already happened because of my dog… I guess I would go for the muzzle first and maybe Google for some expert help to hopefully understand my dog’s behavior better.
  • You: …….

3. You are in the previously described situation. You say you’re sorry. The person you’re saying it to seems really hurt… (S)he tells you that you may be sorry, but you didn’t have the care and after-care of the doggie that your dog so brutally attacked. You say: I already said I am sorry, what more can I do?

  • R.: said he was sorry, but he never tried to imagine things if they were the other way around. Yes, he might have felt some slight guilt somewhere, but I do believe I felt more guilty towards Brutus and my parents than he did about the behavior of his own dog…
  • Me: said that feeling sorry is much easier than actually having to take care of the dog that was attacked, that I almost fainted when I saw the holes in his little body, that sorry might be nice to hear but that it doesn’t chase away the nightmares I have had ever since… I still feel he should have done more straight after the attack, like I previously stated… Ah well…
  • You:….

I am really curious towards your reactions. PLEASE react, I kind need this… Thanks!

“When he has the power to see
things detached from self-interest
and from the insistent claims
of the lust of the senses,
then alone can he have the true vision
of the beauty that is everywhere.
Then only can he see that
what is unpleasant to us is not necessarily unbeautiful,
but has its beauty in truth.”

Sir Rabindranath Tagore

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~ by Lonely Wallflower on April 6, 2010.

3 Responses to “Am I really weird thinking?”

  1. I wouldn´t say that he should´ve gone so far as to hurry to the vet with you and Brutus but at least offer it or tell you to contact him as soon as you got results from the vet to inform him. He should have shown you that he actually cared about what had happened by wanting to stay in touch with you and wanting to hear more about Brutus´ condition. Just showing you that he knows that what happend was wrong and that he CARES. I mean, things like this do happen, even if you´ve got a good and lovely dog they COULD happen, they´re dogs after all. (But it rarely does if you´re a good holder.) Still, you have to show sympathy…I guess all you want in a situation like this is some sympathy and understanding. As you said, you don´t even want to press charges. It´s just the emotional part, right?

    Apart from all of this he should have scolded the dog at once so that it´d know that it was acting in an unaccaptable way. All that dog learned from this was that it could possibly do it again because it´s behaviour was accepted.

    • He did come to our house twice, but I never got the impression like he really cared… He kept trying to put the blame on Brutus, which I tough was very unfair. If you know your dog has issues with another dog, you don’t seek them out…
      Just saying you’re sorry after you walk away without offering any help, any help at all… That is just wrong. It totally gave me an image of him that he will never be able to undo. And it’s a bad one for sure…
      If ever he would scold the dog after bad behavior, that would be a start…
      I just needed to unload all this heave “crap” that was bugging inside my head and I felt like I was totally wrong with the way I was feeling…
      *THANKS* for commenting!!!

  2. I don´t think your were wrong with what you were feeling. At least it´s understandable to me. 🙂

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