More working out & a huge headache…

Soft summer nightHey friends and other interested peeps!

I know I haven’t written here yesterday. I am sorry about that. But I had to get up early this morning and seeing I have MANY troubles sleeping, I needed to go to bed in time. So today will be an update on two days, many headaches and a lousy night.

Yesterday went rather OK. I watched some more friends, gig some grocery shopping with Chance and I rode the indoor bike again while watching “Law & Order” on DVD. Seeing I had about 20 minutes left before I had to change the disc. So I chose to work out on the cross-trainer first. In almost 19 minutes I worked my way through 5 kilometer. The cross-trainer is still hard for me, compared to riding the bike. But I am working towards doing more time on the cross-trainer and also trying to reach a higher level on the bike. I changed the disc and then did 25 kilometer on the bike. It took me about 1:04. So not too bad. I felt sweaty but good. I did it! Another day with another good work-out.

I weighed myself but even though I am watching what I eat (not really counting, but just to know more about what I stuff myself with) and working out, I only lost 0,5 kilo in a week! I do have the feeling that my leg muscles have tightened a bit. So less “flapping” fat there. And I do try to keep my heart rate in between 130 and 140 average, seeing then, you burn more fat then. At least, that’s what I could find.
But I am wondering what is best if I want to lose weight AND gain nice muscles and improve my condition… So far, I have read that when you keep your heart rate low, you burn more fat. That’s also what my Polar watch “says”. You burn less calories but more fat. And when you train with a higher heart rate, you burn more calories but you build less muscles and burn less fat. So, what is the best way to train for me? I want to lose weight but work on having some nice muscles. I know muscles are weight so while building muscles, I will lose less weight… If only I had the money to hire a trainer to teach me all this. I guess I will continue working out like this, building stronger muscles (level 3 on the bike!) and hopefully losing some weight as well, due to less binge eating (I hope I can control myself, it’s SO hard when it hits you).

Ah well… Back to the journaling part of this blog. After the working out, BF and GF came home so I made dinner. The rest of the day was a bit lazy, watching TV and heading to bed “early” (well, much earlier than I do lately). I slept bad again and lately, even with the special dental guard, my cheeks have bite marks on the inside. I wake quite often, most of the time feeling sweaty and anxious, never remembering what I dreamed to make me so sweaty and anxious… I went to bed with a huge headache (even took some pain killers, hoping they would help!). Yes, it was a headache that I get because of the depression. It’s like my skull is too small for my brain. I had a great urge to bang my head against the wall again. But GF came home from work and stopped me… She held me while I lay on her lap with my head, softly crying.

When I woke up this morning, the headache was still present. Less urging, pressing, but there. GF and I got ready to leave for my interview. While I was driving, the headache got worse. And when the sun shone some more, making the sky brighter, I so needed my sunglasses. I felt like I was intoxicated, like I had 6 beers before getting behind the wheel. When I got my glasses, the headache went away and I felt good enough to keep driving.

When we were almost there, the directions were a bit faulty. So I asked my GF to grab my phone and use the navigator. Because my phone was set to vibrate (so no sound), TomTom was quiet. GF told me where to turn…just a bit too late… I got aggravated, headache pulsing with the blood that got pumped through my veins. I told her to switch the sound on. But, she only checks TomTom’s sound and not the phone sounds. Tells me it’s on, but it isn’t… *grrrrrr snap!*. I stop the car, push the car radio front off and grab my phone. I changed the settings, getting very angry and my headache was feeding itself with it. When TomTom told me the right directions, it was easy to find. We needed to go ’round the block to find a parking spot. When we walked up to the building, there was a vacant spot… Hmmm, a bit too late…

The interview went OK. But it’s for a job that may start in May/June, so nothing sure there, yet. But I applied and did all I could. That’s a positive and good point.

After the interview we went to the city my parents live in. We went to a technical store because BF asked us to pick up some stuff for him. Then we went to my parents. Mum came home and made some lunch. After that we went shopping. We bought 15 kilo’s of new kibble for Chance. That will keep her eating for a while 🙂 GF and I bought some instant noodle “meals”, seeing we’re going to bring the water boiler to the convention we’re going to next week (FedCon, Bonn, Germany). We want to keep meals cheap, seeing not having a job makes a lot of things expensive… Luckily the ticket was already paid for and I LOVE my mum for convincing my dad to give me the hotel stay for my upcoming birthday! This really is motivating me. And I really need that badly. So we’re taking some instant meals and soup along, together with the water boiler. That way we can “enjoy” some cheap meals in our room. And the breakfast is included. Normally, I brunch, but with conventions and on vacations, I do breakfast. And the hotel fee was expensive enough to really enjoy breakfast. OK, babbling now…

At times, I only feel like posting informative blogs. But I also try to make this an online journal. Hoping it will help me, in a therapeutic way or just to get stuff off my mind (as far as my mind allows me). Some times I know what I want to write. Other times, I just sit down and start typing… You never know where you’ll end up while reading this blog.

Anyway, back to today. When we got home from shopping with my mum, we had a guest with us. He’s now laying next to Chance on our couch, on the doggy blanket: Brutus. Mum will come for grocery shopping this Saturday and she’ll take Brutus home then. Ow Chance has her head pressed against me upper leg and Brutus is laying against Chance… Wish I had a good camera to make a snapshot!

Home, GF and I started to sort out some stuff for FedCon. Clothes, instant meals, battery chargers, camera’s with empty memory cards. We just want it all in place so we won’t forget anything important. BF thinks we’re crazy. But then, he often forgets stuff because he needs to pack everything at the latest time. So I guess it’s all in the eye of the beholder.

After a while, GF had to leave for work. BF was getting hungry so I prepped dinner. After we ate, I fed the doggies. Then, BF asked me to come along for a small ride. I went along. After that, we walked a short round with the doggies. We wanted to do a bigger round, but BF forgot he made other arrangements for tonight, so there was no time. When we came back, I changed my clothes and got ready for my 25 kilometer ride. I pressed “start” on the laptop and continued watching “Law & Order”. It took me around 1:03 to finish the ride. Level 2 again. I created an Excel document where I keep record of all my work-outs. It helps me to motivate myself for the next ride, the next work-out. I made tabs for bike-riding indoors, outdoors and for the cross-trainer. I hope I can continue. I know it will be hard after FedCon, 4 days where I can’t work out at home. I am happy that I am able to stay home to exercise. It makes it easier to work out, knowing no one can see me, judge me, think I am fat and ugly. There’s only me and my self critics and judgment.

After working out I e-mailed a dear friend and changed clothes. Then I went downstairs, where I am still. Writing this post (in Word mobile, so I can send it to my pc and upload it to my blog), watching TV (Law & Order, Special Victims Unit) and hugging the two adorable doggies…

That’s all for tonight folks! Hope this post made up for the lack of one yesterday! I will be back and I’ll keep on working out (haha doggies are struggling to get my attention now… Silly ones, jealous ones…).

Until we meet again! Thanks for checking in, thanks for caring… *hugs*

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~ by Lonely Wallflower on April 23, 2010.

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