The first step


They always say the first step is the hardest one… And maybe it’s true, but I am not all to sure of that. Because when you’ve only taken a few steps, the way back may still be easy to find. But when you hold on, keep going on, at times I find those steps even harder because you know there is no way to go back. You can only go forward. And in my eyes, that is more frightful than that first step.

But due to many surgeries I’ve had, I had to learn to walk for 4 times in my life now. The first time well, for the first time when I was still a youngster. Then after my first hip surgery when I was 17. Again when I was 25 after my second hip surgery. And the fourth time was after I finally got a new hip when I was 28. So in a way, I’ve taken many first steps already, literally!

But those are not the first steps I would like to blog about now. I mean other first steps that make differences in your life. Changing jobs, deciding to go and live with the one/ones you love, trying to change something else in your life… The first step towards changing…

As you might have read in my previously written post (it was password protected though; if you are interested, check the blog links on the right on how to obtain the password) you may have read about a frightful first step I am trying to make. I won’t go into all details here, seeing I protected the post for a reason. But I know GF is there to support me and that feels good. She even placed her first comment on that post, her first ever on this blog. It surprised me but in a positively good way. It’s nice to know that I am not alone. And I know that if I may achieve the goal I’ve set for myself, I might be a bit easier to handle for GF as well. So maybe she supports me because it will do her some good in the end as well. But on the other hand, it will be hard so it’s not an easy task to support me in it. But I am happy I am not alone in this. Even though it’s still me who has to do most of the “work”, some of it will need to be done by her as well.
I feel like I am babbling because I can’t go into the details too much, but again, it’s my blog so…

But a first step for me is still scary. I know part of me doesn’t want to risk anything and just forget about it. But I know that not going onward, I know I will hurt my GF’s feelings. I made a promise I would try, if not for me, then for her. And I would not want to f*ck up my promise to her. But it doesn’t make it any easier. I have been thinking about it a lot. I believe I’ve been even dreaming about it, although they felt more like nightmares in the end when I woke up and then could not remember anything anymore. I only remember trying to snuggle in my GF’s arms and telling her that I love her. I would do (almost) anything for her. For BF as well, please don’t get me wrong. But with BF, my only real problems have been his immense snoring (*yay* for the guestroom when we don’t have guests sleeping over) and the money issues he’s been having (he lend some money and it’s been a year now and I still have a nice amount of money to get back from him). But GF and I are more sensitive (I can’t think of another word to use here now) and maybe that’s why we are able to hurt each other so easily… But that’s not what this blog is about now… I want to keep my promise and I want to take that step… Small and careful… Verwarde emoticon

Muzieknoot Thanks to a dear friend I am humming the new Roxette single almost 24/7. OK, I must admit, I am listening to Roxette and Within Temptation… First “She’s got nothing on (but the radio)” and then to “Forgiven” and then back to Roxette again. These two songs kinda rock my world at this moment. One is powerful pop and the other a beautiful ballad with very strong lyrics. I think I have made a post in the past about “Forgiven” though, lemme check to be sure… Nope, I guess I wanted to post about it but never did it. Because the Roxette song just hit stores, please use Google for more info on their new single and upcoming album. But the Within Temptation song has been posted by the band themselves on their YouTube so I guess I can share it without too much problems.

The official video from their official YouTube channel

Seeing it’s almost one and I need to get up at 8:45, I will publish my post and then head to bed. Thanks for your interest, once again. Please feel free to comment (spam won’t be added to the site, so save yourself and myself the troubles please) and/or rate this post.

Have a good weekend and I’ll be back!

LW Rode roos


~ by Lonely Wallflower on January 8, 2011.

2 Responses to “The first step”

  1. I’m humming that damn tune as well! lol Why does Gessle make songs we just can’t get out of our head!

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