Hyperactive, impulsive, Asperger lady…

That’s me, I guess… I know I haven’t written here lately. But I have been Tweeting ever now and then, as could be seen on my mail blog page.

Last time I wrote is about two months ago. Here I am again. I have been quite busy lately, which can be seen as good. Early April I got sacked from my job on a Friday, without any clarification. But I work through a job agency, so they unfortunately can do that. But I called and called and on Monday I had an interview and on Tuesday I could start at a new job. It’s in two shifts, either from 6 till 14 or from 14 till 22. It’s different work from the previous one, but it is a good job. And I do hope that I may belong to the 1% of the people who get a job offer (for 6 months) after 26 weeks… But that may just be wasted hopes…

So yesterday was my test day. Finally…

So I have written before about ADHD and autism. Well, mostly on ADHD back in May 2010, when they discovered I might “have it”.

These are a few posts where I mention ADHD in the title. Just click on them to go to the post in question.

The test was mainly answering many, too many questions. I had brought mu mum (for the childhood questions) and GF (for the “at home” questions). I found it extremely difficult the last time I had to answer all sorts of questions about myself. And when others answer stuff about you. It feels like you’re being attacked, like all you have done is negative, one war or another. I know it’s not all that, but after almost two hours, you feel drained. Or at least I felt totally exhausted!

Maybe that was also because I had the early working shift this week and I had been lacking sleep. It doesn’t really matter why, so just know I was dead tired and getting irritated. I just wanted to go home and relax.

But after 1,5 hours, the questions were over. We were getting to the answers. There are different sorts of ADHD, as I have mentioned previously. I will give some short re-caps for those just checking in here.


ADHD may be seen as one or more continuous traits found normally throughout the general population. It is a developmental disorder in which certain traits such as impulse control lag in development. Using magnetic resonance imaging of the prefrontal cortex, this developmental lag has been estimated to range from 3 to 5 years.A diagnosis of ADHD does not, however, imply a neurological disease. ADHD is classified as a disruptive behavior disorder along with oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder and antisocial disorder.

ADHD has three subtypes:

  • Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive
    • Most symptoms (six or more) are in the hyperactivity-impulsivity categories.
    • Fewer than six symptoms of inattention are present, although inattention may still be present to some degree.
  • Predominantly inattentive
    • The majority of symptoms (six or more) are in the inattention category and fewer than six symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity are present, although hyperactivity-impulsivity may still be present to some degree.
    • Children with this subtype are less likely to act out or have difficulties getting along with other children. They may sit quietly, but they are not paying attention to what they are doing. Therefore, the child may be overlooked, and parents and teachers may not notice symptoms of ADHD.
  • Combined hyperactive-impulsive and inattentive
    • Six or more symptoms of inattention and six or more symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity are present.
    • Most children with ADHD have the combined type.

The doc made two subgroups within ADHD: the group that focused on the ADD part and a group that focused on the H (hyperactivity-impulsivity). There were 9 points to score within each group. Most people with ADHD have many points in the ADD part of it. Just a small group scores only high points in the H group (above it’s called: predominantly hyperactive-impulse).

So of course I scored low in the ADD part (only 3 points) where as a child I score 9 of 9 points and as an adult I score 8 of 9 points in the hyperactivity-impulsivity group.

Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type symptoms may include:

  • Fidget and squirm in their seats
  • Talk nonstop
  • Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
  • Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
  • Be constantly in motion
  • Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities.

Then the doc checked for any signs of autism/Asperger and well, it seems I have a form of Asperger as well. But that hasn’t been “proven” yet, since that wasn’t the doc’s field of expertise.

But I will quote a part of a Wikipedia.org site (as I did before in this post) on Asperger to give you an idea of what it “is”.

Asperger syndrome or Asperger’s syndrome or Asperger disorder (play /ˈɑspərɡərz/[1] or /ˈæspərɡərz/[2]) is an autism spectrum disorder that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical use of language are frequently reported.

Individuals with Asperger syndrome may have signs or symptoms that are independent of the diagnosis, but can affect the individual or the family. These include differences in perception and problems with motor skills, sleep, and emotions.

Individuals with AS often have excellent auditory and visual perception. Children with ASD often demonstrate enhanced perception of small changes in patterns such as arrangements of objects or well-known images; typically this is domain-specific and involves processing of fine-grained features. Conversely, compared to individuals with high-functioning autism, individuals with AS have deficits in some tasks involving visual-spatial perception, auditory perception, or visual memory. Many accounts of individuals with AS and ASD report other unusual sensory and perceptual skills and experiences. They may be unusually sensitive or insensitive to sound, light, and other stimuli; these sensory responses are found in other developmental disorders and are not specific to AS or to ASD. There is little support for increased fight-or-flight response or failure of habituation in autism; there is more evidence of decreased responsiveness to sensory stimuli, although several studies show no differences.

Hans Asperger’s initial accounts and other diagnostic schemes include descriptions of physical clumsiness. Children with AS may be delayed in acquiring skills requiring motor dexterity, such as riding a bicycle or opening a jar, and may seem to move awkwardly or feel "uncomfortable in their own skin". They may be poorly coordinated, or have an odd or bouncy gait or posture, poor handwriting, or problems with visual-motor integration. They may show problems with proprioception (sensation of body position) on measures of apraxia (motor planning disorder), balance, tandem gait, and finger-thumb apposition. There is no evidence that these motor skills problems differentiate AS from other high-functioning ASDs.

Children with AS are more likely to have sleep problems, including difficulty in falling asleep, frequent nocturnal awakenings, and early morning awakenings. AS is also associated with high levels of alexithymia, which is difficulty in identifying and describing one’s emotions. Although AS, lower sleep quality, and alexithymia are associated, their causal relationship is unclear.

As with other forms of ASD, parents of children with AS have higher levels of stress.

But as nothing is sure about Asperger yet (for me that is), I will just read about it when ever I feel like it. I am being re-directed once more to another instance where they (hopefully) can help me even further.

There has been talked about taking medicine. But I am resistant to them, to be honest. I know who I am now most of the time. It’s not that I truly dislike myself for being who I am. Only some moments, where I lose grip on it all or when I can’t seem to understand the situation, then I would like to see it through another person’s eyes. But I am scared that I won’t be able to recognize myself if I need to take pills. So I want to know more about that before I say yes or no. But I will have to wait (again) to get a new appointment with another doc to help me on that topic.

I still do think I might be (partly) bipolar though. I have blogged about that before as well. And I still feel that many of the signs are visible in me and my behavior.

Bipolar Disorder – taken from L. Dee Mendiola M.D.

Used to be called manic depressive disorder, bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme mood changes alternating between 2 opposites or poles: extreme highs (mania) and extreme lows (depression).

Being in the manic state includes the following symptoms:

  • Excessive happiness, hopefulness, excitement, feelings of euphoria, “feeling on top of the world”
  • Markedly, increased energy, activity, and restlessness
  • Easily distracted
  • Unusual irritability, shifting suddenly from being joyful to being angry and hostile
  • Decreased need for sleep, may last for days with little or no sleep without feeling tired
  • Racing thoughts, jumping from one idea to another
  • Increased talking, rapid talk
  • Grandiose notions, tendency to make grand and unattainable plans, delusions of grandeur, false ideas of one’s intelligence, greatness and powers
  • Increased sexual desire, high sex drive
  • Uncharacteristically poor judgment such as spending sprees, quitting the job, foolish business ventures
  • Increased risky behaviors such as impulsive sexual indiscretion, drug abuse particularly cocaine, alcohol and sleeping medications
    Mania is diagnosed if the person experiences 3 or more of the above symptoms, and they last most of the day, almost everyday for at least 1 week.

Being in the depressed state includes the following symptoms:

  • Persistent sad, anxious or “empty” mood
  • Sleeping too much or too little, insomnia, middle of the night or early morning waking
  • Reduced appetite or weight loss, or increased appetite or weight gain
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions
  • Decreased energy, fatigued
  • Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, helplessness
  • Feelings of hopelessness
  • Agitation, restlessness, irritability
  • Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain
    Thoughts of death, dying or suicide – with or without a plan, suicide attempts.

Major depression is diagnosed if the person experiences 5 or more of the above symptoms, and they last most of the day, almost everyday for at least 2 weeks. See Major Depression.

In many cases of bipolar disorder, the symptoms impair the social, occupational, and personal functioning of the individual.

The number of symptoms experienced and the severity of each will vary with individuals and varies over time.

Bipolar disorder is difficult to diagnose since people in a manic state can be very productive. For instance, a writer in this state may write prolifically, causing him to avoid treatment to risk a spiral for his work. The high levels of energy and state of euphoria may feel too good to the individual, which may lead to a denial that there is an illness.

The changes in moods occur in cycles. As the person affected by bipolar gets older, the mood swings become closer together. In between poles, people with bipolar disorder can perform normal activities, such as hold a steady job, stay in school or completing their daily routines.

Although not as prevalent as major depression, bipolar disorder also causes chaos in the lives of the family and friends who care about the individual affected by the disorder. Loved ones may find it difficult to adjust and accept that an individual who was once very productive and energetic may shift into an individual who is depressed and cannot perform even normal daily tasks and responsibilities.

So I will have to ask about this at the next appointment, when ever that will be. But I guess I will leave the post as it is now. I know it’s a lot of quotes and all, but my mind is still too pre-occupied to write about that all now.

Please feel free to comment, as usual. But also, I screen the comments. So spam and nasty stuff will only find the “trash” section from WordPress.

Thanks for checking in! Ow and a small update on the ear stretching Knipogende emoticon I am at 5 mm now and I want to stretch till 6 or 8 mm, that I haven’t decided yet.

Take care everyone!

~ by Lonely Wallflower on May 20, 2011.

3 Responses to “Hyperactive, impulsive, Asperger lady…”

  1. I am glad to read you are ‘finally’ getting somewhere with the doctors and hopefully getting a diagnosis or making sense of things for yourself, it must be so frustrating for yourself and of course GF and the others involved in your life!

    They do also say people with Asperger’s are very clever in something’s, like Maths or English (or whichever language Dutch in your case!) :p

    The ear stretching sounds ermmmm delightful if not painful!

    Like you I have not been blogging as much as I would normally do especially about private things, life is somewhat busy here but I am reluctant to blog about ‘everything’ these days online for the whole world to read about!

    Take care my friend x

    • Thanks dear!

      Yeah, it seems there is finally something happening. But it is still also very confronting and hard. When I think back on so many things that have gone wrong… So many things that, if I’d only be diagnosed earlier, could have been different. It makes me mad and sad at times. I just ordered a book on Asperger and got it today. So I want to write a blog post here and then read a bit before bed. Still, I haven’t ruled out being bi-polar as well.So many things I have read about that make me say: that’s me! So I am ordering a book on that as well. All books are in English, as I prefer to read in that language. It’s less boring than reading Dutch books…

      Stretching isn’t that painful, if you do it OK and take it easy. In the beginning I wanted to go too fast, but I have learned… Now wearing the 6mm ones and want to start stretching towards 8mm in two or three weeks. Not sure if I want to go beyond 8mm, but I’ll stretch and see l)

      Thanks for checking this blog. I keep trying to keep up with yours as well, although I do not always coment.

      *hugs* much luv, dear friend xx

  2. […] I took the following lists from my previously written blog. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: