Finding the answers…

Questions-and-answers…after finding many questions…

But somehow the questions are a lot easier to find than the answers… Even when I am not looking for it… It seems like the questions are on a mission: to find me. And after reading my GF’s blog post, I guess some of the questions mistake her for me and then she has to find answers as well…

Ok I might sound weird now, so let me explain. I have written before of having many questions that I was hoping to find the answers to. And now, about 1,5 years later, some questions have been answered. Some questions are still in the progress of finding answers and of course, new questions have been formed and are running through my mind.

Gloeilampje Of course some of the questions that have been answered and are in progress of getting the right answer are about my mental health. I am still undergoing tests. Next week (Tuesday) I have my second long test day. Fortunately I have the day off from work this time, it was hard to work after 3 hours of tests… And next week on Friday I have another talk with Pdoc W. GF will accompany me on Friday, but not during the whole session as she has to work early. I will have to work then as well, but later (afternoon shift). I know for sure what kind of ADHD I have. And I know there is some sort of autism as well, which I am still being tested for to be sure what it could be (though two Pdocs mentioned Asperger already, several times). And I still want to find out what form of depressions I suffer from. Most of what I read leans towards Bipolar II. But, as mentioned before, without a proper diagnose…it’s still a question I’d like to see answered.

I gave GF a book about loving someone with Bipolar disorder. Yesterday she wrote a post on her blog about it. If you haven’t seen it yet, click here. As you can see, while reading the book, she also gets a lot of questions… I wish I could help her by giving all the answers she is looking for. I wish I knew, because some of her questions are the same I have…

I haven’t read in my Asperger and Bipolar books for a while. My head just wasn’t up to it and neither was I. I am planning on reading on of course, and blogging about it as I go.

I am still taking my pills, almost choked on one a few days ago. They taste horrible! I am still on a dose of 2 pills a day. On Monday I have been back to the hospital to get some blood drawn, again. This time only one cannula, as it was for lithium only. As I mentioned in an older blog, they forgot to test my blood on lithium the previous time. When I have my appointment with Pdoc W. next week on Friday, he will inform me about my dose. I probably have to increase to three pills, as he has told me about that during our last appointment. I do hope that I will get a larger receipt then because I get 30 pills at a time, which is now good for 15 days. When I need to increase, it would be only good for 10 days (math wonder here Knipogende emoticon). I have no interest in needing to go to the pharmacy that often. So I hope the Pdoc can increase the amount in the receipt next week.
I am not really noticing any effects yet. But it could be because I didn’t experience any bad triggers lately. I only experienced a weird feeling…
But that was because at my old job (where I worked through a job agency) I got kicked out on one day, about three months ago. No real reason, just that they didn’t have any work for me anymore. And at the end of last week, I got offered a 6 months contract at that place! They realized they made a mistake. But now, I work less hours for the same amount of money I would be earning there and I work in shifts…which I like better. So that’s the only real thing that happened, besides working Knipogende emoticon

I haven’t been sleeping all that well the last few days, or more weeks. I have been sleeping separately for a while now, so I have some rest and BF and GF have rest as well. But it doesn’t really seem to help a lot. GF sometimes comes up to me to cuddle with me until I fall asleep. That is so sweet of her. Rood hart
But sometimes I wake up as soon as she leaves. But I never call her back, because I do know she has better things to do with her precious time. Of course, now she will read this and talk to me about it… Sorry hun, I really appreciate it but I also know that it can be quite boring to wait for me to fall asleep… So when I feel drowsy after waking up when you leave me, I always lay still, hoping I will fall back asleep immediately.

So when my headaches will lay down for a while, I will be able to read more in my books about Asperger and Bipolar disorder. But it will take a while. As tomorrow after work I am going into the city with my GF and on Friday, a friend from work is coming over in the afternoon and in the evening, GF, my mum and I will see the new Harry Potter movie in 3D. I know those glasses will give me a headache but I am looking forward to both the movie and the experience. So fun things to look forward to. Hopefully they will also keep my mood up. Ow and I also ordered some stuff on Amazon. I know I have to save, but because I haven’t been buying anything expensive in a while, I thought I deserved a small treat. Though two items are “For Dummies” books, one on Bipolar Disorder and the other one on Asperger’s syndrome. I always like the way those books are written and are easy to understand, so I decided I would spend some money on getting my hands on these two. And I bought some games for the PS3, as they are a lot cheaper in the UK Emoticon met brede lach So I can hopefully enjoy myself even more with these purchases.

Now it’s time to prep dinner and take my two yucky pills… Thanks for checking in, feel free to comment (and again: NO spam!) and I’ll be back… Will you be back too? Thanks!

LW Rode roos

~ by Lonely Wallflower on July 13, 2011.

One Response to “Finding the answers…”

  1. First of all!! You COW! Why do you let me leave when you wake up when you leave… I am doing my best to be awake so I can let you sleep and then leave while I can just fall asleep and you will not wake up when I leave because I am not leaving.

    Second of all. I know I have questions and maybe I have other questions than you have and some are the same but I am sure that we can find the answers together.

    I am sorry I can’t be there the whole time in your next appointment with Pdoc. W but I think you will be okay, otherwise just call me! We cannot talk long but I think when I ask it’s not a problem.

    Love you!


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