My headache is “killing” me

headache fishAnd again, it’s that time. So many things happening, so many things racing trough my mind, not all understood so it keeps lingering… My head, it is aching so much I need to take a painkiller (or, when it gets worse even a sleeping pill) to be able to fall asleep. I feel like an elephant is playing drums on my head. My left eye wants to pop out to give my hurting brain/head a bit more space.

Stuff happening at home, stuff happening at work. It’s just a bit too much to handle. GF is doing her best, trying to explain social situations. But at times, I can’t understand her examples and explanations either and it makes her annoyed. And deep inside, it makes me mad for being so “stupid” for not being able to understand these sorts of things when it seems so easy for others to comprehend.

I always found it so difficult when people were not direct. When you had to read between the lines, translate what you found there and then almost understand what that person meant. I take things literally, I say things the way (I think) they are and I suck at social interactions (most of the time). I talked about this with GF, said that things weren’t getting easier when they invite more and more bullock words that make it even more difficult to understand what people mean. I always observe people during their social interactions with others. See/hear how that goes and maybe be able to learn/copy from that. You never know when it comes easy…

But people aren’t that transparent. Person 1 could say something to person 3. Person 2 could say exactly the same thing in the same kind of situation to person 3 and get a totally different reaction. It is so hard to understand that kind of behavior. Why can person 1 get away with it and person 2 can’t? I know people will tell me that it’s all about the persons’ history and all, but it makes it harder to understand.

I really feel like a total, blimey big idiot for not being able to socially interact like the average/normal people. How it would make things for both me and GF so much easier to deal with…as there would be less to deal with.

But I do believe I have blogged about this before. Now the work issue and then, to bed with me. I need all the sleep I can get.

There is this one well, lady because of gender not because of behavior, at my workplace who makes it impossible to work decently. She is driving everyone crazy, we’re all tense and walking on eggshells. It became a hell where it was well, not like heaven but close enough, because it was a good place to work. Now even the woman who runs our place is thinking of quitting because of that “lady”. A college and I told her that she was crazy to give up a job she worked so hard for because of that woman.
That woman also is dragging me down too. Always telling me I do it all wrong, backstabbing me when she thinks I don’t notice. They are trying to make that woman go away, to another department. But it takes a while and NO OTHER departments wants her. Well, we don’t want her either. We want her gone. I want my dignity back. I do a good job, my boss tells me so. But because of that woman, I am getting so insecure and I guess I bring that feeling home with me. I can’t seem to shake her off from me, even though I know it’s all bullocks what she is saying about me.

So now my head is aching, my muscles are sore and tense and all I seem to want to do is cry… I will post this and then finally go to bed. Wanted to be in bed about 20 minutes ago already… Didn’t even finish my beer… It’s not like me at all…

Take care folks!

LW Verwelkte roos

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~ by Lonely Wallflower on January 26, 2012.

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