A blog a day, day #4


Saturday, day number four from my blog a day. It’s a rainy day here, 8 degrees Celsius with some chilly wind every now and then. No sun to be seen today, which makes it a sad and depressed day.

My muscles are still sore. Tight. Tense. Painful. I can’t sleep OK because my neck is so sore from those damn muscles. I feel them while I work. My hands sometimes tingle because of those messed up muscles. I think I need a massage. Or more than one… But I don’t have that kind of money to visit someone for a massage. And I don’t like strangers touching me. Definitely not when I have to pay for it as well.

Ah well… I don’t like strangers touching me for free either. But I guess someone must touch me in order to massage me. But I still don’t want to pay for it. Must check with healthcare I guess. But most of what they do here is let you pay more to give you less back in return… But I guess this isn’t only a problem in the Netherlands.

GF has been grumpy with me 😦 I know I can be a pain in the @$$ at times, but even though I feel bad due to the pain, I didn’t believe I “deserved” it. Yeah, due to my mood swings and (often) irritating AS quirks I know I can be quite annoying. And then, indeed, can I deserve to be handled in a grumpy way. But then I can relate to it and also (partially) understand it. But now…this time… I have been thinking about it a lot. My headache got a bit worse because of it. But I just had to know for sure that (in my opinion) I had done nothing wrong. And finally, after a while, I was convinced that this time I wasn’t to blame. Talked a very tiny little bit about this with GF and she indeed confirmed that I wasn’t to blame. So while feelinf happy about that, I also felt worried. It meant something else was bugging her, is bugging her enough to make her act this way… 😦 *sobs*

I guess I do need a GP appointment for somewhere next week. I need something to help me relax my muscles. I have Diclofenacnatrium 50mg but they don’t do the trick. The muscle soreness is too intense, even for those pills. And I could use a sleeping pill (Zopiclon 7,5mg) to gain some sleep and it would help my muscles to relax for a short while…but it’s not enough I’m afraid.

So well, I guess this is it for today. Feeling pain… Again… Will that ever end? At these moments I wish I had a different body. And when it gets worse, I wish I would leave this body and never feel pain ever again *sigh*

Thanks for reading. Have a good weekend people! All the best, LW

PS. Again my dear friend provided me with a nice image for this blog. Used with kind permission 🙂

~ by Lonely Wallflower on February 18, 2012.

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