Third day of the working week, day #21


And Wednesday just began. I was supposed to get up somewhere around 10 but…there was so much noise behind our house starting around 7:50 that now, over half an hour later, I’m still awake. Maybe I should crash on the couch with our brown girl soon… Damned noise! Not fair…

So I did my best on last night’s post. I hope you “enjoyed” it. Feel free to comment, as in not spamming, if you like. Always interested in what my readers have to say. Or in this case, write.

My ears hurt. It feels like they’re under pressure constantly, like being in a plane that takes off. That popping feeling in your ears… Not funny. I already have a 24/7 ear whistle in both ears, ever since I was 12 I believe. And you have to get used to it because you have to live with it. But the pressure on my ears makes the beeping noise seem louder. I don’t want an ear infection. It’s been ages and I do not mind not getting one anymore. Or two. A double…

So what will today’s blog be about? Still no one offered me more ideas. Ms. Leftie is still the only one… Who wants to join her? Hmm now I have to think. And that provides to be a difficult chore as my ears annoy me so much that brain is disfunctional. Ow wait, that is it’s current state of mind… Nothing to do with ears. I could just babble here but I guess that would be anything but interesting.

Ow remember I had doubta about my friends due to the send birthday email? Where I decided not to go due to someone being there that I really dislike? I have send this mail over a month ago. Yesterday the friend who is celebrating with that b*tch emailed me if we were coming… Hello I already answered that a month ago. So I searched for my original mail and re-send it including more text saying I really hate to miss it and all dear friends included but that I really hate that ex-friend as well. And that is why I thought it would be wiser not to come. Still wondering why dear friend wants to celebrate with that b*tch… I know that more of our friends dislike her but they still go for our dear friend. But I can’t do that. Last time she’s been around me for a weekend I needed a long time-out! Otherwise I would have kicked her out. So now I am hoping that this will be the last time dear friend celebrates her bday with the b*tch…

So lets start planning our own birthdays. We always celebrate with a very dear friend who shares her birthdate with GF. Since we share many friends and our home is bigger, we started to celebrate together here. Hope she will be OK with me not wanting to invite the b*tch. I am missing out on a nice weekend already thanks to that grr person. Don’t want her in my house anymore. But I sure want to invite all other friends. I still have this nagging feeling in the back of my head… Why did no one reply to that birthday email I send them? Why does it bother me so much? Why does it hurt me so much?

Last time I blogged about this, Sjak replied that they might not know how to answer. And she wondered if they read this blog, so they would know how I feel. I replied on her comment back then. I have known many of them for quite some time now. And I know that I have told them about this blog. So they could be aware of my current situation. But I am not sure if they read this. They never really talk to me about it. About reading my posts. One would think that if one reads a friend is feeling very down, a friend would send some encouragement? If not on the blog then through email or text message? It is just weird… I even wrote a status update on FaceBook about this today. Wonder if anyone will reply…

Today I read Ms. Lefties latest update on her blog. She wrote about recognizing when her mood is starting to take a drastic (downwards) change. I remember that I wrote about this a few times as well. Don’t think I ever made a list of it. I just mentioned stuff as I finally was able to recognize any change. Or did I ever make a list? I think I wrote about 150 posts or so ever since I started this blog back in early 2012. Wow! Just hit me I have been blogging here for about two years now. The last 3 weeks I have been blogging daily. So 130 posts in almost two years…isn’t much is it? I do know that I used to write in my journal as well back then. But now it’s all online. Out and open. OK sometimes password protected. But with reason.

Back to: did I ever make a list? Would I be able to make one like my friend did? I guess I could start one. But friend made the list together with her CC (care co-ordinator). So I think I will need my GF’s help on this one. GF when you read this…*hint* haha!

I know I become overly creative. Poems, lyrics, writing. I can be at work and have a lyric pop into my head. When I can’t write it down immediately, I will be angry at myself because I will forget it.
I will get more suspicious. Seeing error in all I do, thinking people are better off without me. Thinking GF will find someone new, or already has someone new. Thinking the whole world is against me.
Losing lust to do stuff I like to do normally.
Binge eating.
Increase of headaches and nightmares.

Hmm quite a list. Unfortunately I know I am right in the middle of it all now. But I am wondering if GF could add more, make it more complete.

I guess I have babbled enough for now. Will upload this post and enjoy an hour of relaxing before going to work. Have a good day everyone. Thanks for reading.

Luv, LW

PS. Once more I found the image I used through the PicsArt app. I edited it. Ah you know it already…


~ by Lonely Wallflower on March 7, 2012.

5 Responses to “Third day of the working week, day #21”

  1. Hint taken….. You can write amazing stories when you are down (hint hint I want some more of that story of yours, Okay I want you to be happy but when you are down… please write that story for me…. pleaseee…. looking forward to a new chapter).

    Uh… I have to think about it some more…

    Love you!

  2. Is it really 2 years since you started blogging… wow where do the years go!

    You have earache I have toothache, expected as much eventually, I have a fractured tooth which perhaps needs a root canal treatment but I am clearly opting to be sedated when it needs doing after my experience with the dentist last time!

    I have a friend’s birthday this week and I just made my first card I am rather pleased with my first attempt! I need to hopefully get it in the post for tonight! I also hope to do something special for my 35th birthday this year, since the Roxette concert in Manchester falls on 4th and my b/day is the 8th I am hoping some friends from the Roxette world might join me in Manchester for a mini party before the show, I am thinking perhaps The Hard Rock Cafe!

  3. You know, we cannot possibly know what goes around in the heads of your friends (wouldn’t that make life easier huh?) so the best thing to do, if it is really bothering you that much: ask them. I know that is soooooooooo much easier said than done, but it might take away some of your doubts and fears…

    • Ow that would make my life so much easier… To see what they think…
      Yeah and it is also easier to write about my issues than to contact others with it. Even though they might be able to help me out…
      Thanks for commenting!
      Luv, LW

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