Rather confused, day #39


You know how I have been writing about this ex-friend? Yes that one! I see, you remember her, very good. Well this weekend was that birthday party from her and good friend, the one I declined to go to due to her being present there. Well, this morning, before 9 am (and the clocks went to Summertime here last night) I got a rather long Whatsapp message from her. Only saw the number as I never bothered to save her number into my new cellphone. And must admit, it completely threw me off. I thought I could be ignorant due to certain mental problems. I thought my social skills were (are) somewhat *insert cough here* underdeveloped. But clearly she hasn’t got a clue at all!

I am really not sure to what I did and did not share yet with all of you. And I don’t have the energy to sort through all my old posts to check that out. But I will try to insert all the things here, the way I experienced them, and let you be the judges. Seeing I know I have these social difficulties in understanding certain “rules” that sometimes it is me who is in error. But I can’t recognize it then. I need someone to inform me, in an understanding way, and after that it is still very hard to begin to understand it. I mentioned in my previous blog that I wanted to write it in a different way, and then completely failed to do so. So this another attempt of me trying to give my confusing some meaning.

They met online. They met on a forum/board that focussed on a TV-show that was very popular back then. It was back in 2006, they were young back then. One would think they would be wiser now. And maybe they became wiser, but that wisdom also brought changes with it. It didn’t come for free. I guess most lessons are learned the hard way. Most often, a painful one. Of course some wisdom can be found for free with Internet/Google/Wikipedia everywhere (we all take it along on our phones nowadays). But I hope you know what I mean…

There was a group, they were part of it. Everyone met through that forum. They had a good time chatting on-line and decided to plan a day together. They planned, they went and had a great time. Some on-line friendships immediately became stronger between some of them. Since it was a big success, they decided to plan some more things. After a while group kind of fell apart. Smaller friendships remained but it was clear some people were just too different. Most treated each other with respect. One had issues with my relationship. I had troubles with hers. But I accepted her for who she was, she did not do the same. So yeah, that fell apart. But I don’t really miss it, miss her. Guess we were too different in the end anyway.

But still some of them gathered for birthdays and other fun things they planned together. But then, the change set in. She finished her education and I felt she started to feel like she was better due to her high educational degree, due to the salary that came with that. I started to feel annoyed by her. Here come some examples.
We went out for dinner. Which was nice. But not all of  us have high salaries. Enough to get by, but with dinner, you have to watch the expenses. Most of us ordered “simple” drinks like cola and beer. But she ordered expensive cocktails. No probs, she could afford it. We drank one or two drinks, she doubled that easily. So when we got the bill, we all were ready to pay our own expenses. But she said we could split the bill through the number of people! I saw some bewildered looks but no one really said something until after I spoke. Told her I thought it wasn’t fair, you just read why. And she acted really offended because it was just an idea… Yeah, nice idea, letting others pay along for your expensive drinks. I thought this was very selfish and not thoughtful towards the ones with less to spend…

They did meet up more often again. She was always ready to say that she got such a nice job and salary. But still she already got fired twice because of her lack of social skills. By then, enough of those silly things had happened that I could totally understand these reasons. But she totally didn’t see it. All her friends thought so highly of her. Yeah but friends are people you bond with. When you have clients you need to be able to look at things from their point of view.
And as difficult as it can be for me, I now start to realize that it is also one of her faults. But at least I can say I am wrong when I am wrong. I can admit to my faults. I also admit I can be quite stubborn when I think I am right. But the problem is, that many times, I am right. Ow that sounds so wrong to write about myself. So I do hope GF will back me up in a comment here… But the thing with me, myself and I is, that when I am not sure, most of the time I just don’t say anything at all. And when I do speak without being sure, I am always sure to mention this several times. Admitting that one is wrong can be quite difficult and hard. But in my opinion, it is a sign of strength. Weakness is never willing to show that you can make mistakes. People will see you were wrong anyway and deed inside you do know you were wrong.

Ah well, so they met again and again. There was the time she got drunk and kissed me on my mouth. I said I didn’t want it, I wasn’t interested. GF was standing there in disbelieve. Instead of saying sorry to both me and GF, her reaction was: “But you’re bi-sexual so surely you have kissed more girls before me.” If she had really been interested in me as a friend, she’d know that GF is my first girl… And still, in my opinion, it is no reason to kiss me when you’ve had too much to drink… When she’s not drunk, she flirts a bit toooo much with BF. He first laughed it off and liked the attention (guys will be guys I guess). But after a while he even saw t was too much. Still liking it, I guess, but at least admitting to me that it was a bit over the top.

I have to go to bed now. Alarm goes off in 8 hours and I really need the sleep. Sorry no images today. Topic will be continued. Whatsapp message still unanswered as I really don’t know what/how to react. So difficult. If I spell it all out, would it make any difference as she is clueless to begin with? If you really see no error in flirting/flashing a BF which is NOT your own (her BF was at home…)… If you think it is OK to do all you do and think that no one will take offence or be hurt… Would it make any difference?

Too tired to think about it anymore for now (so hello nightmare, I’m afraid). All the usual thanks to all you lovely readers out there! OK will add one small Googled image, just because I can. 🙂 

With luv, LW


~ by Lonely Wallflower on March 25, 2012.

4 Responses to “Rather confused, day #39”

  1. some people really do have no idea, nor respect for other’s in this world, it was not only wrong of her to kiss you in front of your GF but it was plain rude and disrespectful.
    She may assume that due to you being bi sexual that you have kissed god knows how many other females, how dare she assume that it is ok to treat you like a piece of meat like that.
    I totally relate to your mixed emotions at how to react to this situation, however its my opinion that you ignore any further contact she tries to have with you, she is clearly not interested in anybody but her shallow self.

    • Have to admit the kissing stuff happened a while ago. And forgot to mention she “made it better” by kissing GF after that (her words. Definitely not mine). But for me it is hard to really say what I feel. If I say it the way it’s going through my mind, she’ll be offended straight away and not take in a word of my answer due to that. So it wouldn’t be worth my time and effort then. I need to find the right words. But mine are too direct. Too harsh. They won’t matter as they offend. I havr always been horrible in these kinds of situations. And I have an elephant memory, so every little irritation is noted and never forgotten, only to be added up.
      Thanks for your reply. It means a lot. Hope you’ll have a nice day.
      With luv, LW.

  2. You want a reply… you get one dear:

    First of all LW is right most of the time and she is not afraid to let everyone know that she is right. That she is right that’s a good thing, but for telling everybody that she is right (in her proud kind of way, she can sound so proud when she knows that she is right) it can be irritating. When she knows she is right she is speaking louder than normally and can’t stop talking about it untill you told her twice and sometimes 3 or 4 times that she is right. So I guess her being right all the time is a good but also a bad thing. But I think we can relate that to all the stuff that has happend in her past and in her heard now. I am trying to learn her that sometimes it’s better to not tell people that you are right but just let them boill in there own mind, let them find out by themselfs. And then, when they find out, just say it to them ones and then stop talking about it. Like LW said in her post: sometimes it’s hard to tel somebody that she is right. (and you were wrong) So if someone find outs she is wrong and the other person keeps on talking about being right, I can understand that it’s gets you angry. I can tell you that it sometimes happenes to me with LW and I really don’t know how to act then. I try to ignore her talking about it. But that’s just not possible.

    The part about the ex-friend…. well, I think you should tell her that you want to stop the friendship. That you think you are not cut from the same woods. That it eat on you when she flirts with your BF and that she is stabbing you in the back with her comments. I guess she is not even noticing that she is hurting you with all this because she is not that good with social interactions. I am not sure if it has something to do with autism. Not everybody who isn’t good with social interactions has autism. But is AM sure that she is socially not the best person. Also she is living by other standards. She grow up in the different place than you, than me, had a different yought. So I think that is also playing because she can’t step in your shoes and see things the way you do because she is not used to live like that. She is not my best friend either but I CAN ignore this stuff better than you can. Maybe that’s why I can be around her and not get mad and you do. But like you always say: honesty will last forever. So I think you should write her a small not (in whatsapp or an e-mail) that she is right about having a feeling that things aren’t going fine between you and her and that you’ve been thinking about this alot and that you find out that it’s best to end the friendship. That’s not a lie and in this way you finish it all and you can end these endless thoughts you are having about it. When you aren’t doing it for her, do it for yourself and you mind. Give yourself the rest you deserve sweety.

    About the her kissing you part…. I really didnot believe what I saw and what she said. In one place it made me angry but I really did not know what to do at that specific moment. It caught me off guard.

    Well… this is my reply. There is some hard stuff in it and some tips. But it’s the truth.

    Don’t forget I love you


    • Haha I noticed you added an avatar and somehow throuhout reading your comment, all I could think of was that Kelly Familu song: Fell in love with an alien…
      Must re-read your comment again soon, preferably when I am more awake.
      Thanks for the comment dear. Luv ya too!

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