Drowning in my own sorrow, day #64

Down, downer, depressed… Almost there, unfortunately. Able to recognize the signs. No clue as how to fight it and win. I am too focussed right now on doing at least a few things right. I want to keep up the walking/eating healthier. I want to do good at work because I like it, most of the time, and the pay is OK.
But head is fighting. I feel sad deep inside, a lot, and at times it’s clearly visible from the outside as well.
My brain is working overtime… But it only makes matters worse for me.
My ability to trust is gone. I am scared, have (small) anxiety attacks. It frightens me even more.
I argue about many things. Brain’s convinced it’s right and wants to win. Of course, brain’s often right and pretty used to being so.
I am afraid to be abandoned…so I push people away…
I am full of energy but when I need it, I’m dead tired…
I wanna make myself feel better by emptying Amazon.co.uk but I know it will make me happy for a while…and them I need to pay my credit card bill and I feel even worse.

I am sorry for this small, miserable blog…

Luv from a sad Wallflower

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~ by Lonely Wallflower on April 20, 2012.

3 Responses to “Drowning in my own sorrow, day #64”

  1. I can relate to the feeling miserable bit, but you are doing the right things, the good eating and the walking. I hope you can overcome this and things will not get worse… x

  2. I hope you will feel better after we had our walk together tomorrow! Just one more night to go! And only 4 evening/night shifts and than we have all the time in the world in the evenings and weekends… no more working weekends or evenings for me :D. Keep your head up!!!

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