Depression days, being social… day #71


Ow my… I feel so low so deep inside. My energy is so low… I am going on but I am not feeling strong. I sleep about 5 hours a night. I have nightmares. I sleep but I don’t really feel rested when I have to get up again.

It’s a fight, every day, to get out of bed. To be responsible and work. To do my best to look forward to positive and “should be fun” plans. But when it’s hard to do the things you know you normally love to do…you know it’s really there again…

People I know, people I call friends (people who I have met in real life, compared to my dear on-line friends) included, post stuff on blogs, social network sites and they send me messages. The blogs and posts I try to read them all. I click the like button so they know I’ve been around. But often it’s becoming too hard to write a decent reply. E-mails go unanswered for some days. I feel guilty because of my “lack of interest”. But it isn’t that. I know that. I know it’s my mental health screwing me to feel this way. I already feel bad about myself and due to my behavior caused by my depression, I feel like the worst friend ever… Which only causes me to stay in my downward spiral…

OK since I mentioned social networks in this blog, I want to share some of my silly thoughts about social actions and interactions when it comes to social networking.

I love my smart phone. No doubt about it. The Nexus does what I want it to do. It is fast and has an awesome resolution. Me likey a lot!
And with the smart phone comes an internet connection. Be it through 3G, HSDPA or Wi-Fi. With internet, you get e-mail apps. And social networking apps. And games like Wordfeud and Draw Something. And of course the ever so popular Whatsapp.
And that is where we changed from being social beings amongst each other to digital social addicts.

When we used to go to a restaurant, we all were annoyed when someone didn’t turn off their ringer… Now, when we go to a restaurant, we sit down, order a drink, log into Foursquare, share a picture on Facebook where we tag the people we are with, we Tweet where we are so everyone else will know it too, we play a new word on Wordfeud while the person you’re playing against/with is sitting right next to you… And by the time the drinks arrive, the smart phones are put in pockets until they vibrate to alert you that someone noticed and reacted to your Foursquare check-in, Facebook picture, Tweet or they played the word “social” for 76 points on Wordfeud… Of course you have to reply… It would not be nice of you if you didn’t reply… This all while still at the restaurant, enjoying a nice meal and some quality time with friends… The ones on-line that is…

And I will admit… I also post stuff when with friends. But not while in conversation and all. I get annoyed BIG time when friends come over to you (or vise versa) and their social apps are demanding most of their time. Of course there are always exceptions. But I do think it is much better to spend good quality time with friends and…later on when they are gone…then post all about it. You’re able to thank them for everything and while they were with you, you could actually talk instead of Tweet/Whapsapp to each other…

So while being social to all those wonderful people out there on the world wide web, you are neglecting the ones you are with…

Those are my thoughts for today. Got to get some sleep now, as we have a busy day today. Finishing the preparations for GF and mine Bday party 😀

From Wallflower with luv!


~ by Lonely Wallflower on April 27, 2012.

2 Responses to “Depression days, being social… day #71”

  1. This is the reason I have stepped back from social networking first FB now Twitter because for me it takes up to much time and means I neglect those around me who truly care… When I was on Twitter it was only those who read my blog like yourself and other MH bloggers who cared when I became unwell, who asked how I was and who were willing to become involved when I wanted to kill myself… none of my other friends, especially those Roxette friends I have known for years gave a shit. Yet despite my illness I was always alert and commenting about things happening in their life, so for me it is part of the reason I no longer use social networking…

    I have been off Twitter more than 4 weeks and not one of those close Roxette friends I have met in real life (bar one, a German girl) have bothered to email me to ask if I am ok… so these days I do not bother about them also… no doubt as the concert dates approach though they will be in touch wanting something…

    I have realised that I have moved on from those people, they do not care about me, so it is time I stopped thinking about them to the level I use to! Harsh but it has become my reality!

    • It is sad that the best way to find out who your real friends are, is when you need them most…
      I DO miss you on Twitter a WHOLE lot! When I am down, depressed, hurt, I can manage to Tweet small stuff to people who care. E-mailing is so much more demanding. And so if I want to ask how you are, or thank you for something, Twitter is my choice as it is micro…small, short and easy. I do read all your blogs but somehow it can be too much to reply and I’ll just click like so you know I have read it.

      I am sad to say that I don’t have that much close friends who really seem interested in my mental health. People on Twitter seem to care more at times, people take the time to reply on my blog and Tweets, and that is more than I can say of certain friends. Some do talk to me about it, face to face, because they find it easier. But often I wonder which friends really do care enough to read my blog… Ah well, depression low is hitting me now…


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