New steps

OK, a new blog post. So much happened. So many difficulties and some I did overcome, *yay* me! And some things I still need to overcome. Some alone and some together with my fiancee!
Yes, I wrote, many things have changed. I quit the relationship with BF in the end of February. It didn’t work anymore. I couldn’t take it anymore. It was super hard. But I did it. And after some good talks, GF (who already moved out) decided we could give it a try. So I moved in with her. And we do have a great time together. We have good talks, watch movies together, play WoW (World of Warcraft) together. But unfortunately we sometimes also fight together. But the making up parts are good… 🙂
After living with GF for about a week, we sat on the couch with a DVD and Tequilla shots, having a good time. At one point I asked her if she still wanted what she always wanted but I could never give her till now. She looked puzzled. So I asked it again. She started to smile and said yes! It wasn’t the most romantic way. But it did the job 😉
But then my fear of commitment and fear of losing both kicked in. Wholy frak, were we really gonna do this? So much to lose if anything goes wrong. Such a huge commitment… So I went into freak mode. That I still hadn’t totally recovered after the break up with BF wasn’t helping me a lot either.
But I told it al to my now fiancee. I told her my fears, my doubts, my quirky little thoughts. I got scared and confused and my self esteem was somewhere in the basement. I dared to ask the question. Now I had to get the guts to also go through with it.
Now I had to put my best foot forward and take the step. We decided immediately we both want to keep it small. Plus no big party afterwards where people drink until they drop and we pay. No, we were on one line immediately. Small group, max of 30, who would attend the wedding  and who we would take out for dinner. We would spend most of our money on us, on our honeymoon. *yay* us!
So now we arranged quite a couple of things already. We got friends to take care of many things. Both because it is more personal, plus also less expensive. But all friends were delighted to help. Which was quite a comfort for us. Honeymoon is booked, we got our licence on the day we knew each other 7 year. Rings are ready. All is taken care of so far.
And then a trigger, a feeling, a bomb.A lie, a broken promise, another lie… *boom!*
And now, we’re working on it again. GF, or fiancee, decided that she would quit Facebook, at least for a while, so get some stuff sorted out. She said I could keep mine, but I will deactivate my main account this week as well. Not sure if I will do the same with the other account, as I barely use it. But it would only be fair if I close that one too. But then, the blog updates (if I ever write) will only get to Twitter…
We talked a lot. It was needed. And we will keep talking. Open communication, honesty and become strong again, together. We are gonna work on a great foundation, an awesome base to build our marriage upon.
We went to see about houses yesterday. We wanna buy a house together, somewhere next year. And there is a great opportunity for us, still to be build, but looking really awesome. But well, not to be hasty… But am a little excited about it… 😀
Well it was only a short blog, but finally, a blog again. Now that I will be off Facebook soon… Another way to connect with my friends can be through here. So well, I might pop up here a little more often. Who knows, maybe GF will get back to blogging as well.
Nice to be back though! TTFN friends 🙂


~ by Lonely Wallflower on July 4, 2013.

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