Step one: done
Soooo I did it. After GF cancelled her Facebook, today, I did the same. So now, I have Twitter, my photosite and this blog to communicate on the World Wide Web. And of course e-mail and whatsapp. And some communication can be done through World of Warcraft! Or at least some time which was normally spend on Facebook can be spend there…
Starting Tuesday, I have been at home this week. I hurt my ankle and couldn’t work with it. And to be honest, even though I hate it not doing too much due to the pain, I did like to be home this week. Also with everything in our private life going on, well, yeah… I even wouldn’t mind being home another week… But I guess it’s not possible. My ankle is healing already, luckily, but I still feel drained from energy. I still feel like frak and f*ck. And I guess I will start working again Monday night, as I am on the night shift the upcoming week. But well, let’s see what my ankle does, healing wise, over the weekend. Gotta call work again on Monday so well…
I am happy that GF (I will keep calling her GF as it is shorter than fiancee and I can’t think of a good shortcut for fiancee) and I are talking more. She is working on being more open and I am trying to help with asking some guiding questions every now and then. I also told her, as I have always said before, if there is anything you want to know, ASK. If you are not sure, ask. I would rather have her ask questions, like I ask her as well when I am not sure, than assume something that may be wrong.
But if you never learned how to ask, or if people always made you feel dumb for asking questions, or never answered them in a way you could work with it… I can only imagine how hard that can be on someone. I am not sure what made GF so awkward when it comes to daring to ask personal things but I am trying to show her that it is OK. I ask her a whole lot about this and that and she is (almost) always OK with that. Not always she understand why I ask things, why certain things are important to me, but when and if she can, she tries to answer me.
The problem we had was, that she is not always honest when it comes to personal questions. Personal stuff also made her quit Facebook after a long talk we had on Tuesday after I found out about some serious (to me they were, I know everyone has his/her own value to issues) things were wrong. I got mad, I admit, and did the only thing I could think of. I put it out on Facebook, the only way I thought I could show her how much she hurt me with it. The only way that she would see how serious I was, as it wasn’t the first time that something like this between us happened. This was the last time and I needed to be an @$$ to show her. Yes, I know what I did maybe wasn’t the best way but what to do when you are desperate… What to do when talking didn’t work? What to do when you feel lost and unheard? What to do when you’re on the verge of breaking it all up because it hurts you so much and you never want to experience it again?
But we talked and she said she was gonna quit Facebook. And I thought it only fair to support her all the way and do the same, for now.I want us to work, I want us to get married and stay that way until we die… I can’t imagine my life without her. But the lies have got to go. Get out and stay out. And we need to rebuild part of our foundation and mutual trust. And we started working on that and it feels good. Not sure how fast I can rebuild my lost trust, but I am also working on that.
I am working on a better understanding of my GF. She wants me to be less suspicious. I would love to be like that, but unfortunately her doings made me feel this way… Make me act this way. Her “problem” is that her fiancee (yes, me) is very observing. The way I am, all mental problems and all, I live and learn of observing others. I may not always understand what I see, why people do things the way they do, but I so notice differences in people I have been observing. Since I love her and get to spend much time with her (Iwouldn’t want it any other way ) I also have a lot of time to observe her. So when she starts to act different, treats me different, I will ask about it. When the answer/the way she answers isn’lt really comforting me, I know something is wrong. And yes, I will get suspicious… I will start doubting things. So we will both work on it, together. And I hope we will become stronger than ever before, together.
And I guess, without Facebook, we might be able to level our characters in World of Warcraft a little faster. I am bad in playing games, but thanks to GF and some other friends, I am doing quite OK. Will never be an awesome player, but I enjoy the mediocre play haha. I am not too bad I guess, but I do enjoy it, most of the time.
So the first image was my char I played this morning, Thribble, before his “Shave and haircut” and I will leave you with an image of after the shave and haircut.
Thanks for checking in, I am checking out! Have a nice day😀