Time will heal all…

…but can all be healed?

Mutual understanding. Trust. Faith. Love.

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If you understand each other, you can build a mutual trust. If people are there for you when you need them, that trust will grow. You will be more eager to confide in people that don’t let you fall. The more important people are for you, the closer they get. And by getting close, they can also hurt you most.

Time will heal all wounds, some say. But big wounds will leave scars. Some scars will fade away through time and special care. Other scars will heal but will always stay on you, look ugly and keep reminding you of the hurt you’ve gone through. And if you’re hurt enough, the scars will also be seen by others.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, some say…But what if I didn’t want to become even stronger? What if I was happy the way things were? Of course, the way things were turned out to be kind of fake, due to lies in the past and present. So I only thought I was happy, since my happiness was based on lies. But well, I was happy, but it was false happiness.
So many things that all together frakked up my world and let it crumble.
Ouch!

I have always mentioned here and in my private, offline, life that I appreciate honesty above anything else. Without honesty, how can one have true love ♡? I feel that two people who share a connection, either friendship or love, should be able to be open and honest about everything. I never believed in telling lies, even those little white lies, because even those “small” lies end up hurting others. If you need to lie to get better out of it, to make profit or anything else that would “force” you to tell the lie… You have already been thinking about it. You have spend time with the idea of not being honest and something made you go through with abandoning the truth… I could never begin to understand with what could be the trigger of leaving the truth. Silly me… Or maybe even stupid me. But why lie?

There is a Dutch saying,that roughly translated, comes down to this: even if the lie is running at warpspeed, the truth will catch up eventually. I guess the English version is much shorter: truth will out. And as I mentioned before, a quote of Mark Twain, saying that what you don’t lie about, you also don’t need to remember. And I totally support that. Because I have seen and felt what even little white lies can do to you. And believe me, the white lies can sometimes hurt more than the deep dark black ones. Because the white ones are often meant to protect either the user or the person who will hear it. But even if you mean it all so well, to protect the one you lie to, that person will eventually find out about your dishonesty. And, naturally, that hurts…

GF and I are still uncovering the lies she offered me as her truth. My trust is still anywhere near positive. But so far, she has been trying. I just really, really hope that she will not only keer trying but also will stop lying all together. I had to be strong. I had to draw the line. And one more lie will, unfortunately and sadly, end in us needing to split up. I don’t want to live and grow old with someone who doesn’t feel the need to be honest at all times with me… I don’t want to live a lie. I don’t want to hear a lie. I want honesty. I want her to trust me so much, that she will feel compelled at all times to tell me the truth.

But she knows what I want as I have been totally open and honest (shocking!) on how I see a relationship. What I need in it, what I hope to expect from it, what I want to put into it…

So well, time will heal…

I want to talk, be there for each other and be able to trust one another. Time will tell/reveal us if the road we turned on was the right one…

Who knows?
Only time!

~ by Lonely Wallflower on July 15, 2013.

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