I want to live without them. I want to have a life where my body doesn’t feel pain all the time. So where painkillers are not a daily thing to need.
But I know I need them. I have tried living without them. Hoping the pain would ease if I did my exercises. But I found out that, lately, without the meds, I can’t even do any exercises… It hurts, both mentally and physically.

The pills don’t take all the pain away. I guess to be able to live a pain-free life, I would become an addict to morphine. Have a built in pump to take with me everywhere I go.
That is also a thing that keeps bugging me. That even though I take these meds, I still feel that goddamn pain. Nothing I can do that takes it all away…

Chronic pain sucks big time. And, when combined with other health issues, it can enhance negative feelings. When you are in pain, every single day, yes you have to accept it. There is no other way. Besides the only way “out”, that is. Some days, tour energy level is a bit higher and you can enjoy your day more, push the pain to the back. But when tour energy level is low, it really gets to you. It can bring you down to your knees.

People say you have to make the best of it. And believe me, I do think people with chronic pain try to do so every single day. Because the feeling of beating the pain, of not letting it defeat you, it is good. When you get to do stuff you like, that you missed out on for a long time, it feels good. Of course, almost always, the pain does take its revenge a day or two later. It strikes back, knocks the wind out of you and you feel broken all over.

Every day is a new battle. It starts with waking up, if you were lucky enough to get some sleep. How to get out of bed? Some days, it is a bit easier. And others… And when you need the loo, you push yourself through the pain, a tear on your cheek, but always better than to pee in your pants/bed. After that, I need some time to start up. Get dressed, release Jenny from her place so I can hug both her and Arwen, and go to the kitchen to take my pills. I take many extra vitamins and stuff, as it’s said that they can help relieve some aches and all. Well, better to help your body any way you can, right?

If only there were pills to make it all better. So I could enjoy they things I have given up. So I can do more of the things I like. So I can work to make my own money. The instances here, they will soon decide of I should work again. I am afraid I have to fight to get the outcome I need. I would LOVE to be able to work. But some days getting out of bed is worth an lifetime achievement… If only people at those instances had any experience with having both mental and physical illnesses, with dealing with pain each and every day… Maybe they’d understand that I am not lazy…

Thanks for your interest, see you at the next blog!

Luv, LW 🌷


~ by Lonely Wallflower on March 8, 2016.

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