When you need help… 

…you can need it in many ways. 

When your friends come rushing to help you 😂

Maybe you need someone to drive you somewhere or pick you up. Maybe you need help moving or redecorating. Most of the times when people need help, they need it in the “human form”, as in another human being helping them out. 

And I also need human help from time to time. My wife knows how I hate to ask for help with the normal chores, as I want to do it by myself. She also knows some things are just not do-able for me and she helps me anyway she can. And I truly love her for it all. I also need help for my physical pain and I am grateful to have an awesome physical therapist who always makes time when it’s gotten too bad, even in between appointments. And I also need help with my mental disabilities. I know people can be upset when I call them disabilities, as they also make me unique and all. But the things, mental ones, I need help with, they make my life difficult, harder and that is why I see them as disabilities as well. And yeah, they also provide me with a totally different view on lots of things, which at times can be awesome. But it can also get me in trouble, make me lose friends and make me feel miserable. I thought I had decent help for the mental things but they told me at the last appointment that I need a different kind of help. As my “need” will never go away, it’s chronic, and they can now only provide help for/to people that have the ability to “get better/get over it”. So slowly in the progress of finding out what kind of help should be right for me… 

But that is all human help. I also need other kinds of help. Like how I recently bought a pen with a special grip, so I am able to write with a bit less difficulty. How I have been using a dental guard for quite a long time, to protect my teeth and jaws from grinding and muscles that tighten in my sleep. I have braces for my hands, back, elbows and ankles, which fortunately, I only need on the worst days. I have a thumb brace, which I need on a daily basis, ever since I fell/slipped in the shower. 

Needing those items to help me isn’t the worst thing. But needing to pay for them, buy them and, when needed, replace them, it can be expensive… If my physical condition would be acknowledged in the Netherlands, I could get better support for all the braces and stuff I need. I have to buy generic brands, as I can’t afford the specially made ones. And here they see Fibromyalgia as an “it’s between the ears, they’re just lazy” illness, it’s not being covered by the (over the top expensive) health “care” providers. Yeah, I put care between the “thingies” (I have no idea at the moment what they are called, my brain is trying but it only finds the most ridiculous names for them so I won’t use those names… Maybe some other time haha), because you pay and pay and pay and when you need medical care, euh, first you pay some more. And when your health prevents you from being able to work, when reintegration programs are after you to get better and get to work again (and you browse through 205 jobs that are listed and maybe, maybe, two could be something, but they need to be adapted though, so it really sucks and eats away any motivation you might still had…), you don’t have too much money to spend. Many people with “hidden disabilities” have this issue and it makes it even more unfair and hard to deal with. 
Yeah I am in pain. I take heavy pain killers, just to be able to participate in daily life. I have bad nights, sleepless ones or filled with nightmares, my head never stops to relax for a while… Having a mental “disability” that is hyper hyper (ADHD, with focus on the H), and having a physical disability like Fibromyalgia, it can mess you up. 

Your head wants to do many, many things. Things you love to do, things that need to be done, and things that are a bit of both. My head makes plans, every step of my day is getting planned, and then it starts in the morning. How will my body react after waking up, if I did sleep at all? And if it’s a decent or, when lucky, a rare really good day, I get to work on that planned roster and it can work out and yes, that makes me happy. But it also means I did way too much, as my head always wants to put 36 hours into a 24 hour day. So after feeling good about achieving the goal, my body punishes me like hell. And when I don’t have a rare good day, I can’t get my list of things crossed off, which makes me mad and angry at myself, at my body for not coping, at my mind for wanting too much… 

Although the subject is serious, one does need to laugh… Golden Girls Never fail to deliver… 💖

And then I have to admit, once more, that I need help. That the days when all I wanted to do was possible are over. That that’s also the reason I can’t find work that is suited for me… How ever much they push me. It’s not like I haven’t been looking… And maybe I am too hard on myself, thinking I can’t do certain things because I am afraid of failing, of letting myself and others down. But I have to be reasonable. Things I can’t do by myself, how ever much I would want to be able to do them, I can’t do on a full time basis. It’s not being lazy, it’s being fair to myself.
Yes, I need help. I need items to get me through the day, heck I even got glasses a few weeks ago. And I got a shower stool as I have to admit, I am afraid to stand in the shower ever since I slipped. Even though we have made improvements, I still remember slipping, catching myself, and still feeling the pain of doing just that… It’s been over three months since I slipped, and in about 10 days we’ll see the GP as I need a referral to an orthopedic doctor. My physical therapist checked my thumb/hand, as the only thing they did in the hospital was make a picture and tell me it wasn’t broken… And he found out what happened and is still happening. Hence the thumb brace and unfortunately, it still is able to move/get locked when I wear that… It hurts, irritates and I want it checked and, hopefully, fixed. So still a “work in progress”. 

As I am getting quite tired, I’m gonna finish this post and share it with you all. Thanks for your interest and hope you’re having a good day! Take care, luv LW. 

Since we all can need a hug at times…

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~ by Lonely Wallflower on February 8, 2017.

One Response to “When you need help… ”

  1. Sometimes we all need a little help. As long as we count on our friends, nothing can stop us. Or someone very special who’s always there for you, even though he doesn’t really know he’s helping you 🙂

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