Why is there so much pressure on the whole “being social” stuff?

I mean, I get it that people can get lonely, that people even can get depressed due to lack of social interaction but… Surprise! I’m not one of those people. And ever since I got into my sick leave, it’s a huge thing they seem to focus upon, never hearing me and my feelings towards it.

Every time those experts write that I would love to become more active because more social interaction is good for me. But… That’s not what I said, ever…

My wish was (and is) to be able to find a spot, free of stress, where they accept me as I am and are happy with my help. We were and are working towards such a place, but the hand surgery and recovery put it on hold for now.

I do not miss the social interaction all those experts refer to as, most of the time, they were exhausting me. Besides the work (last job I had was very high pressure stress and loads of walking/physical activity) I barely had energy left. To socialize was fun at times because the stress and pressure of the job was slowly taking its toll. Because my last job was at a warehouse with a (dated) picking system, there was loads of noise. I didn’t have my special made earplugs yet, so it took some effort to keep focused on the job. Especially since it was a dull one, loads of walking, picking items, no real thinking needed (though some colleagues behaved like you needed to be a rocket scientist to get the job done and to understand the system).

In the end, as I have mentioned before, I only lived to work. I was a wreck at home, so much pain and discomfort… So then my newly wed wife told me I needed to call in sick, that this was not how life is as supposed to be.

And I got called in sick and could stay at home. And I found out, being home alone wasn’t the worst thing in the world (except for those horrible neighbors!). I could plan chores. I could take a walk when I felt like it, or when my back/legs needed it. I could sleep when my body and mind needed the rest. Watch a movie or series, read a book or play a game…

Before people start fantasizing about the above, keep in mind of the struggles and pain that went with it (and still go with it). I had to give up on things I loved to do, had to reduce time spend on others. Some nights, I never got any sleep, sometimes even day after day. So all the positivity that I mentioned above have to be seen in ratio.

As I have written about before, I got my ASS/ADHD diagnoses back in, I believe, October 2012. I already had been diagnosed with depression/bi-polar (and then another form of depression and then the polar one again…) before that. And when the Fibromyalgia joined in, it got too much to handle. I’ve been a hip patient since 1997, so I’m “accustomed” to pain, inconvenience and recovery. I know my mental health will not become any better by taking pills. I have tried to educate myself on all the “labels” I’ve gathered throughout the last few years. It’s a way to better understand myself and also to be able to express my feelings and thoughts betters.

But during the time spend away from that hectic work life, I noticed my energy level was slowly rising. No big steps, no super improvement, but still… The time I spend alone helped me to deal better when interacting with others. At calm times, I could go out and get some groceries my myself without being exhausted afterwards. Buying myself noise canceling music ear plugs also helped.

I knew already that I don’t have a filter, not an incoming nor an outgoing one. I have difficulty finding the most important bits in a sea of information that’s flowing through me. I notice so much more than others do. And, annoying as can be, I often need to tell about everything that I have seen that may have bothered me or left me curious/wondering. I have talked about this with my wife and she did mention it being annoying at times. She wondered why I just could not let it pass by…

That made me think about it a lot. Why did I do this, and do I still do it? Could I ignore things and would that make them go away? But no, she I tried to ignore things, my focus “just” shifted to another thing. When I didn’t mention things I had seen, they kept me occupied, I had to talk about it, or just even mention it, to make it easier to process. But it did show to her, how much information I progress. And then the brain scan done in summer 2012 made more sense. As some of you may recall, when I almost fell asleep during the test, my brain wave action dropped to 150% of “average”… That’s why my brain needs to be so fast, because it needs to process all these stimulus that came and comes through it.

Back to the social stuff. Yeah I know being social is important. But not having a steady job, or being home more than average, means you aren’t socially active. We live in a day and age where I can interact better than before, through the internet. I can write this whole blog, no one can intervene when I am writing, and after I post it, I open it up to others so it can be discussed. And it can help the people I know IRL to maybe understand the way my world rocks.

I always used to say that I was using a different operating system. It’s not bad, it’s not wrong, it’s just lesser know and works differently from the better known systems. But now, I also think I have a SSD (solid state drive) where others still have a 5400rpm hard drive. It can work together but will take its time.

But, after all I just wrote and thought through, I still don’t know why the so called experts can’t see that social interaction means a totally different thing for me than it does to NT’s (neurotypical people). It might do me good, especially with people I know and that career about me, but with others, it drains my energy. Even friends can be difficult to be around at times…

I have tried to explain this, it’s even in one of my working experience papers. But every time a so called expert drafts up a paper on me, they always feel a need to mention that I am really wanting to work because it’s good for me and I miss socializing… Euh… Thanks for listening, I guess…

Am I the only one with experience like this? Who often prefers Netflix or a book over having to socialize?


~ by Lonely Wallflower on July 31, 2017.

4 Responses to “Socializing”

  1. Enerzijds kan ik me ook heel goed alleen vermaken met bijvoorbeeld een boek en kosten sociale activiteiten mij ook erg veel energie. Anderzijds vind ik het toch ook wel erg fijn om familie en vrienden te zien en dingen met hen te kunnen bespreken.

    • Dat zeker weten, maar omdat ik bezig was om (af)gekeurd te worden, bleven ze de sociale kant enkel toewijzen richting werk… Ik heb aangegeven dat ik het nuttig voelen mis qua werk, niet het sociale aspect… Ik spreek ook graag af met vrienden, overleg/bespreek graag dingen met ze en zo, maar dat zie ik toch anders dan het “verplichte samenzijn op de werkvloer”. Natuurlijk had ik wel enkele aardige collega’s, maar op slechte dagen kosten mijn vrienden me al te veel energie, laat staan dan collega’s.
      Dus ik snap je volledig en sluit me er bij aan. Wordt alleen zo moe van de aanname van die UWV “experts” dat ik het socializen op de werkvloer zo mis en dat het me goed zou doen.
      Bedankt voor het lezen en voor je reactie! XoX LW

      • Ja, ik kan me voorstellen dat je moe wordt van die experts! Hebben geen idee waar ze over praten volgens mij.

      • Nee, het lijkt wel of ze dat standaard erin willen zetten. En als je zegt dat je niet de mensen maar het nuttig voelen mist dan zien ze daar geen verschil in…. Zucht… Maar tot nu toe 80-100% afgekeurd dus, hopelijk even wat rust van die experts. Bedankt voor je reactie!

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