Been feeling like that for a few days now. Very tired, no energy, broken thermostat (sweating like crazy, shaking under a blanket), bad coordination… Just not really sick/ill but not good either. And I think I dislike this feeling even more than I dislike the chronic pain.

Why? I hear you think… Hmm, good question, lemme see if I can answer it for you.

The pain, even though it can change places, is more or less a constant struggle. They say you get used to it, but that’s not true. You learn to deal with it. But face it, if there was an option to get rid of pain, I guess no one would hesitate to take it.

But even with pain, you can achieve certain goals. But feeling like a washcloth, wet and no strength, it drains you. Lack of coordination gives you more bruises, and can cause more shards (I thought I had a firm grip on it…). Feeling so hot, sweat runs over your body… It doesn’t help you to feel fresh and good about yourself. Feeling cold, even under a blanket, also does not help.

I’d rather be in pain and have some strength, than shake from cold and only be able to lay on the couch. I feel like I’m letting down the galls as I can’t really walk with them. It hurts and I’m scared I will lose my coordination and fall. I’d rather have pain and then be able to at least walk a little bit with the galls. Be able to clean a bit without bruising my legs because I stumble again…. When I feel like this, I feel extra clumsy and useless. And, most of the time, my Tinnitus is more present then as well.

It doesn’t help that my therapist, the one who massages me and helps be keep just a bit flexible. So my muscles are even more tense and sore. Which causes me to need more energy to move… Sigh…

Ah well. The worst thing is, I keep feeling so damned tired. I fall asleep while watching TV, even while gaming at times. I need to force myself to keep awake long enough to let the dogs out before going to bed. Which will be soon, yay. I hope I will be able to sleep and get some energy for tomorrow.

Thanks for your interest! Hope you will have a good day. And sleep well when the time comes.


~ by Lonely Wallflower on August 10, 2017.

2 Responses to “Blegh.”

  1. Beterschap!

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